Faith

1.

Once again I was at the verge of tears. My heart drowned in raw emotions of anger, sadness, hate, sympathy. One thing I knew is I needed to get out, out of here. Sometimes wishing I could get out of this place all together and forever. It seemed calm outside with the trees gently swaying to the cool wind's lullaby. The sky covered in a blanket of darkness, lit up with a million of wishful stars. Cars quietly passing by in sequence with the silence of the night. With a single step outside, I breathed in the cool winter air and sat out on the porch. Familiar faces hanging out on the porch noticed me. Thankful that the darkness of the night covered the hot tears streaming down my cheeks, I looked over and waved hello.

How much I missed her so. Her smile, her contagious laughter, how she always split her chocolate bar in half and shared it with me. I remember the last time I saw her. It was the happiest I had seen her.

I continue staring into the night with the bright streetlights shining down. The cool air caressing my cheeks as if to say "It's ok to cry" . More hot tears stream down my face followed by muffled sniffles. How alone I feel, how small I feel out here in the night by myself. Yet at the same time it was calming. The moon seemed as if it was shining down on me with rays of hope. The critters of the night buzzing in a rhythmic lullaby. After I had run out of tears to cry, emotions to release, I took one last deep breathe and wiped my face clean. "It's time to go back in there" I say to myself.

Turn around. Put on a happy face. Back to my usual cheerful exterior.

If only you knew.

*

It was yet another sunny morning unfortunately. I sighed a long and loud sigh, disappointed with the fact that I woke up and was actually still alive and breathing. I didn't want to be part of Planet Earth, it's overrated anyway. What was the point if we were all going to die ANYWAY? While still lying in bed I rolled over and checked my phone for any missed calls or messages. A few missed calls and text messages of more prayer and condolences.

When Mom died, my phone wouldn't stop ringing for days and I sure did cling onto it. It was my lifeline. Talking was the only thing that kept me sane, the only thing that took my mind away from the grim reality. Calls of condolences were coming from all over the world, from people who were my mom's cousins aunts something, you get the idea.

The day after mom died, I got a call from an unknown number which I had assumed was like any other call. The usual "I'm here if you ever need anything" which I was getting rather tired of due to the insincerity I could sense behind it. It was said more out of obligation. But this call was different. It was a special phone call. I answered the phone and there was a gentle voice on the other side of the line. The most soothing yet unfamiliar voice.

"Sorry but who is this?" I asked this gentle stranger cautiously.

"You don't know me. But I know you. Who doesn't anyway, you are quite a popular girl in the community" he replies leaving me unsure whether to be flattered or nervous.

He continued "I heard about your mom and I just want you to know that I'm here if you just need someone to talk to"

"Who are you?" I asked him yet again wearingly. I was not in the mood for silly Mr.Mysterious games.

"It doesn't matter who I am. This is about you, not about me. If I start telling you about myself it will become about me"

Hmm good point. In any other circumstances I would have called this person a creep and hang up. But that voice was so reassuring, I just couldn't hang up on him. And let's face it, I wanted it to be all about me at this point. Having drained my energy from crying myself to sleep the night before, I let it go and gave in "Fine..so now what?"

"You can start by telling me what you had for breakfast this morning"

A smile crept up on my face and so it began.